28 mars 2012

Through dark there will be light!

This picture was taken one night in the summer when I was out bicycling. I often go late at night in the summers since there is always daylight then. This is from the amazing lake Malgomaj!

There are no emotions, Im empty. I touch but do not feel, I look but do not see, i listen but cant hear anything, I smell but there is nothing. I know my heart is still there only cause Im still walking. I know Im still here cause people are talking to me. Even though I recognize everything around me I feel lost, as if I am a stranger here. Rats are crawling and fire are burning. 
In my dreams I find myself naked and alone, people laughing at me. I try to hide but life has blindfolded me. There is no way out, there are no sidetracks here, only through darkness you can find light. 
This path is unknown, will always be unknown. I struggle, I do not want to go, I fight and scream but there is nothing behind me to return to. The only way for me is the way I didnt want to take, the road I never asked to have. There was a bridge over this dark but it broke under my feet as I was trying to cross it. 
My legs are broken, but I have to continue, so I crawl on my arms until they bleed. Everything hurts but at least the pain tells me im alive. I do not know how long this path will be, nor how dark. I do not know how steep or rocky it will be. 
I just know it will be hard and that I am not ready for it.